Author: Valerie Mellema

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The Importance of the Mother

There are so many things about the mother-daughter relationship that are somewhat universal. Eye rolling, questions answered with “because I said so”, moments of short temper and shouting…these are the trials and tribulations of almost all mother daughter relationships. And yet, this is not what God intended. Instead, God’s Word tells us that mothers and daughters should be knowingly walking together in His ways.

Naturally, that is a lot harder than it sounds. If you think back to your teen years, you probably remember asking questions like, “If God is real and loves me…why did He allow this or that to happen?” Many teens reach a point when they begin to question their faith, and this is a crucial moment. It is one in which they must not walk alone …Read full article

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Men, Abortion and Trauma

Restoring a Father's Heart (cover)

It is a difficult and heated subject, but abortion is real. Millions of people make the decision to have an abortion each year, and in most cases it is a choice that ultimately rests in the hands of the women who are unexpectedly pregnant. The issue of men’s emotional responses to abortion can be lost by all of the dialogues about it, and because it is something physically done to a woman.

Does this mean that men do not have any reactions or responses to it? In the fascinating book “Restoring a Father’s Heart: Help for Men Suffering from Post-Abortion Trauma” (formerly “Wounded Warrior”), author Sue Liljenberg points out a number of startling truths about men, abortion and the trauma that follows.

“Something very basic is violated in a man when his baby is aborted. While women were designed to give life to their children, men were designated to protect their young. Abortion thwarts this instinct. The feelings men deal with are often similar to those felt by women who have had abortions: guilt, grief, regret, anger, and so on,” says Liljenberg.

Going on to explain that men’s feelings in the aftermath of abortion can be equally as intense, reminding reader’s that they were more than simply men who made a woman pregnant…they were fathers …Read full article

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Important Resources for Anyone Recovering from Abortion

Are you aware that there is something known as post-abortion trauma? It is what happen to both men and women when all of the rationalizing, justifications, and excuses fade away and the truth of abortion sets in. It can happen immediately after an abortion, but it can also take years to fully develop.

What is it? It is different for everyone, but the symptoms tend to include feelings of depression, anger, guilt, remorse, and a desire to withdraw from society. Other unusual behaviors may appear, including self-destructive or self-harming behaviors. People going through post-abortion trauma may have persistent nightmares, flashback to the time when they were going through abortion, and experience profound grief.

This can happen months or even years after abortion, and yet no one really discusses how to overcome it. Is that because you cannot recover from abortion? In the book “Binding up the Broken Hearted” the author quotes a woman who experienced post-abortion trauma. The woman said this:

 “For the first six years after my abortion I could have taken a pro-choice sign and marched with it, if I was a more vocal, public person …Read full article

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Healing May Mean a Journey Back to Move Forward

If you have come to realize and fully accept that you are dealing with post-abortion trauma, you already know that it is something that can take a very long time to manifest fully. Initially, you may have experienced sorrow or a sense of sadness at the time of the abortion, but perhaps months or years later you experience far deeper and most harmful feelings. That is exactly how post-abortion trauma can work, and it can cause us to behave radically different from our normal, healthier selves. It can make us anti-social, angry, and depressed.

It can also make us experience a loss of clarity about many things – including the abortion experience itself. …Read full article

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How to Create a Support Group That Promotes True Healing

Support groups can be amazingly beneficial activities. When you sit together with others who have gone through some of the same challenges and trials, it can be healing to speak with them and share thoughts and feelings. You know that the others in the support group understand completely and have also encountered many of the same emotions, pain, and struggles. They may still be going through them.

But ask yourself a simple question: Will the support group offer healing, to the degree that you seek? …Read full article

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Freeing Yourself of the Burdens of Sin

Did you ever consider the simple truth that sin can lead to trauma? If you look at the many different kinds of sin, all of them result in different outcomes, and usually lead to feelings of guilt, anger, regret, emotional pain, and much worse. All of these feelings and results are very closely aligned to the symptoms of different traumas as well.

Consider the sin of abortion. It is an act that affects both a woman and a man. It can be done through the use of worldly reasoning. For example, someone can rationalize that it is not life but a cluster of cells. A man may justify abandoning a woman to abortion because it is “her problem”. However, almost anyone who uses these arguments, rationalizations, or justifications is going to experience something known as post-abortion trauma …Read full article

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Discovering the One Who Heals

In the Introduction of “First Love: Embracing a Love that Lasts”, author Camille Cates described a life that revolved around her parents’ religious activities. Explaining that she never missed a service, that her parents were leaders of their church and that she had started a relationship with Jesus Christ by the age of 12, she also said she “didn’t really know what else to do as a Christian, other than read my Bible, pray, and go to church.”

She had not yet discovered what she would much later in life …Read full article

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A Look at True Love

Watch a “rom-com” at the movies or on TV and it would seem that finding perfect love that is fulfilling, assured, and long-lasting is remarkably easy, funny, and guaranteed to provide you with a lovely ending to your story. However, we all know that life does not work for us as it does for the characters played by our favorite actors and actresses.

Why can’t love be just like it is in the movies? The first answer to such a question is that it is the movies! It is not the real world …Read full article